Episode 7: Finding the Love of your Life

What’s up, everyone? Welcome back to the Cafe Tayo podcast! It’s me, Elisa Camara. And in this episode, we will be talking about love! How to find the love of your life! Usapang paghahanap ng pag-ibig ng iyong buhay! 

Music Interlude: I Finally Found Someone

Wow! Have you finally found someone? Since this is a love month, magandang simulan ang pasok ng linggong ito sa topic na Finding the Love of your Life, para maihanda ka sa paghahanap ng tamang babae o lalaking mapapangasawa na umaayon sa kalooban ng Diyos. 

Narito ang ilan sa mga nakalap ko sa pag-aaral para magamit ko sa pagtuturo para sa aking mga anak at apo at sayo na nakikinig ngayon. Magkukuwento ako ng kaunti tungkol sa aking mga karanasan at gagamitin ko ang sermon ng isang kilalang Pastor na si Rick Warren in finding the right person to marry. Ginamit Niya ang Proverbs 12:26, kung kailangan nating maingat sa pagpili ng ating mga kaibigan, lalong kailangan nating maging maingat sa pagpili ng makakasama sa buhay. Remember, it's a choice. God does not do this and no one teaches us how to do it. Walang subject na ganito sa school. Bilang magulang ay nagkukulang tayo sa pagtuturo sa ating mga anak na pumili ng tamang mapapangasawa. At dahil dito, marami ang nauuwi sa maling pag-aasawa sa maling dahilan. Ako, bilang asawa ng pastor, ayaw kong mangyari ito at ayokong humantong sa ganito ang aking mga anak.

I have at least three children who are not married, one already has a fiancée, and I care so much about them. I want to teach them how to look for the right person and how to change their view about marriage. This can save a lot of pain. I have two questions that require serious decisions to make the right choice in your life. First, when are you getting married? That's a choice. And the second is, if you marry, Who's going to be? The Bible says a lot about this.

Kaya titingnan natin ngayon kung ano ang sinasabi ng Biblia, Here are some selected checklist for us to choose the right person. Pero bago yun, nabanggit ni Pastor Rick Warren ang ilan sa mga myths o paniniwala na kailangan munang icorrect sa ating isipan.

1. God doesn’t choose my mate for me. It’s your decisions, your choice. He didn’t choose for you. He places the responsibility 100% on your shoulder. For example, Hindi ako makikipagdate, maghihintay lang ako na darating siya. Tama ba? Mali. Hindi darating yun, kailangan may gawin ka. Kapag nagsisimula ka pa lang na maghanap, alam ng mga babae kapag may gusto sa kanila ang isang lalaki kahit hindi ito nagsasabi, at nagpaparamdam lang. Hindi na dapat pang magpakipot, kilalanin mo siya,at nang makita mo ang tunay na hangarin niya sayo. Marami kasi sa mga kalalakihan na kung alam nila na mabubusted lang sila, ded ma na lang sila sayo.
2. There isn’t only one right person for me. Alam mo totoo yun. Kasi kung hindi totoo, isang tao lang ang magkamali ng desisyon parang domino ito na mali na ang mga susunod na saling lahi. Kaya ang daming maling asawa sa mga maling marriages. Okay lang makipag-date sa mga ilan na dumarating sa buhay mo para mas makilala mo sila, at pumili ng taong tama para sa iyo.
3. Love is not enough to marry. That’s because you love someone doesn’t mean you should marry him or her. Pwedeng ang daming babae na dumating sa buhay mo na minahal mo bago ka nag-asawa. Love is not enough, it takes a lot of other things.

God doesn’t tell you who to marry but He does give you a description of the kind of person He desires for you to marry. If you want God’s blessing on your marriage, you want God’s protection, or you want God’s success in your marriage, then listen to what God has to say about the kind of person you should marry. 

Listen to Philippians 2:1-5, ‘Is there any encouragement from belonging to Christ? Any comfort from his love? Any fellowship together in the Spirit? Are your hearts tender and compassionate? 2 Then make me truly happy by agreeing wholeheartedly with each other, loving one another, and working together with one mind and purpose. 3 Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. 4 Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too. 5 You must have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had.’

Because of the tremendous blessings that the Philippians have received in Christ, Paul urges them to be united in harmony. Paul calls for this unity in four ways: he wants the Philippians to have the same mind or the same thinking, to have the same love, to be joined together in spirit, and be of one mind. The best description of a person God has intended for you to marry is for both of you to become like Christ.

• We must have spiritual unity. Kung Hindi iisa ang inyong pananampalataya parang mahirap magkaroon ng physical, emotional, and sexual intimacy that God intended for your marriage. The No.1 area of your life is your relationship with God. 

In 2 Corinthians 6:14-15 (God’s Word), Stop forming inappropriate relationships with unbelievers. Can right and wrong be partners? Can light have anything in common with darkness? 15 Can Christ agree with the devil? Can a believer share life with an unbeliever?

Noong panahong magboyfriend pa lang kami ni Pastor Rainier, maraming nagsasabi na ang ganda ng mga qualities namin, marrying age, parehong may stable jobs, we love each other, ok naman ang aming family background, and yet there is only one problem, I am not a believer of Jesus Christ. As he is a new believer, he decided to get rid of all those ugly pasts in his life at sinama Niya pati ako. So, sa madaling salita, nag break kami Kasi Hindi Niya alam kung paano at ano ang dapat gawin, minabuti Niya na tapusin ang lahat ng pwedeng maging temptations na pwedeng kasama ako doon. Kahit mahirap kong tinanggap, naging daan din yun para hanapin ko si Jesus. And after two months, God in all His mysterious intervention made a way to brought us back together. Today, kung Hindi dahil sa intervention ng Lord, we will never have a physical, emotional, and sexual intimacy the way God intended us to be. Kung di ako naging Cristiano, Pwedeng hindi ko maintidihan ang faith niya. 

Don’t commit to somebody who is not committed to Jesus Christ. Don’t gamble your life if you have an unbeliever boyfriend or girlfriend. Please, if this is offensive, I’m sorry. But, if you are married to an unbeliever, show them your love and pray that they find Christ.

• We must have life purpose compatibility. You must be both headed in the same direction, with the same purpose in life. 

Amos 3:3 (NLT) ‘Can two people walk together without agreeing on the direction?’

Kung hindi pareho ang inyong direksyon, hindi kayo magtatagal. Hindi pa kayo handang magpakasal hangga't hindi mo nalalaman ang purpose ninyo. What is your mission, your purpose, your calling, or vocation? Ang marriage ninyo ay mabubuo sa ganitong mga paraan.

Kapag namatay ang isang tao, hindi naman tatanungin ng Diyos kung sino ang pinakasalan mo. Maaaring itanong ng Diyos sayo, did you fulfill your purpose? Marriage is a partnership to fulfill your purpose. You both are partners in God’s calling, gifted and called for His purpose. Hindi ko alam na kami ay magiging isang pamilya ng pastor. The only thing I know we have the same purpose in life, we are all called by God. Pastor Rick Warren said a bad marriage is a thousand times worst than staying single for the rest of your life. A bad marriage is a thousand times worse than staying single for the rest of your life. Kaya shout out sa mga singles pa! You’re much better than those falling marriages! Huwag kang maghanap ng batong ipupukpok mo sa ulo mo. So do not settle for 2nd best who didn’t share the same value. Don’t make that mistake.

• We must both be emotionally healthy.

Hindi naman sinabing perfect because we are all broken. But that’s ok because God still loves us. Kung sinuman ang pakakasalan mo, you married a sinner. Everybody’s broken. Pero may mas broken pa sayo, so you need to avoid them even how well he is, you have to figure out the emotional health of the person before you go too far in your relationship. Emotionally healthy individuals express appropriate emotions, which can help them to avoid danger, relieve stress, and communicate with others.

So if you spot an emotionally immature, deficient, unhealthy person you are marrying, you're asking for trouble. Why? 

1. First, if that person has uncontrolled anger. Minsan may narinig akong babae, gusto ko ng lalaking bastos, yun bang dating, bad boy? Naku, mali ka, iha mia! Kapag ganun, lumayo ka na! 
2. Second, if that person has addictions. Iba’t iba ang klase ng addictions ng tao. Kung makakakita ka ng babaeng sobrang hilig magshopping, ay boys, layuan mo na! O lalaking addicted sa alak, sa sugal, sa babae, sa video games? Layuan mo na rin! Hindi yan mababago kapag mag-asawa na kayo. Obvious naman lalo na kapag drug addict. Lalong layuan mo na… kahit pogi pa yan.
3. Third, if that person has bitterness - ito yung poison that eats you alive! Pastor Rick Warren said, Whatever you resent, you resemble. So stop resenting. You have to release it. If you start dating a bitter person, that bitterness will turn to you. How do they treat their parents? You marry a family. Ganito no, halimbawa, matindi ang resentment mo sa parents mo dahil lumaki ka sa mga abusive parents. I’m sorry. They’re your parents, regardless kung terible sila, nasa yo ang DNA nila, sila ang lumikha sayo kaya ka nabuo. I am not saying na ok lang kung abusive sila. Bigay sila ng Diyos sayo, without them you are not here. You need to pray for them, pray also for you to heal, and ask for help in the process of healing.
4. Fourth, if that person is selfish. The No. 1 cause of conflict in marriage is selfishness. Nauuna pang maglakad sayo. Hindi man lang buhatin ang mga pinamili mo. Or palaging naaawa sa sarili niya kasi walang nakikita kundi sarili niya. Don’t be selfish.
5. Fifth, if that person is greedy. Kapag may spouse kang greedy, malulubog ka sa utang, they are only interested in themselves. Don’t try to impress others. Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others.

So the three among four checklists are done. We must have spiritual unity,  life purpose compatibility, and emotionally healthy,

• We must be generous and kind.

An emotionally healthy person tells the truth. Love is based on trust. Trust is based on truth. He can say, I am doing this to protect you. You must have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had.

Palaging ibinibigay ng Diyos ang kanyang best sa mga taong namumuhay sa pagpili sa Kanya. Say, I want God’s best in my life, and I got it. 

Do you notice in these entire lists there is not one word about appearance or how they look? The world has this mindset na kailangan natin iwasan. 

To have a good marriage, my husband must meet these needs: Sexual attraction, The feeling of being noticed, The fear of loneliness, Wanting to be loved, We have many things in common, and We are having fun.

In the end, kung walang patutunguhan ang inyong relasyon, huwag mo nang ituloy. Dahil habang tumatagal ang relasyon niyo, mas lalong hindi ka na makakalabas. 

If you want to get married, God will bless you. Be spiritually connected to God. Your challenge is to commit yourself to God's standards. Just tell yourself, I'm not going to let the ocean of emotions overwhelm me to make that stupid decision.

Don't date until your emotional hurts are healed or at least in the healing process, just find a mentor or a counselor for your healing process. Do this, and close that door. Get rid of that bitterness, that anger. Don't carry that in your marriage.

Marriage does not create problems, it reveals them. The problem is already there with you or your boyfriend or girlfriend. And the more you deal with it before you get married, the happier your marriage will be. The more that meets the deep intimacy of the soul that is personal, sexual, relational, and spiritual. 

It is the oneness that comes from being unified in our relationship with God, and our purpose. Discover your mission first. Get involved in a small group, and find a ministry in the church. Expose yourself in lots of Christian men and women. You won't find it just sitting in the house. If you have a fiancée, get premarital counseling.

Let’s bow our heads and join me in prayer. 

Almighty Father, we have problems. We are a broken people. We need most to turn to you, Jesus. I ask you to bring healing to my family and to the family who listens to this podcast who are hurting. Bring hope to those who are hopeless right now. You are a miracle-working God. To those who need to end their relationship that is going nowhere, have them speak the truth in love. If we are insecure, we have heartaches, and you know we are here to heal and change for our future. Please clarify my purpose and connect me with other believers. Help us build spiritual oneness with our spouses. And for the singles, let them do it Your way. In Jesus's name, I pray, amen.

I hope you walk away from this episode feeling encouraged and inspired to indeed find the love of your life. Please check and assess your current relationship and be the first person to answer these reflective questions.

1. What qualities does Paul encourage in relationships (2:3-4)? And speaking of marriage, how does it compare to your relationship with your spouse?
2. How does this episode of finding the love of your life help you?

If you answer those questions, you can write them down below. Be sure to follow me on Spotify and on YouTube. If this episode was helpful to you or you want to add some of your checklist or experiences you have encountered while dating, please leave a comment on any of my social media platforms. If you think someone else would enjoy it and it could help them improve their relationship with Jesus and their loved ones, please share it with them! And if you share on Facebook, the hashtag CafeTayowithElisaCamara would be greatly appreciated! 

Thanks and God bless us all!

(Link: https://margmowczko.com/philippians-2_1-5/)